Bullying is not just perpetrated by the kids on the playground

There has been much said about the recent rash of gay teen suicides that have been caused in part by peer bullying.  The attention has resulted in of hundreds of links offered in Facebook and countless comments posted on Facebook, blogs, and other networked social media sites.  In Utah this attention crescendoed with the ill-timed and foolishly worded address given by Boyd K. Packer in the LDS general conference.

I think it is a shame that the attention is solely focused on bullying; because, the image that we as Americans have is limited to the school yard bully.  Bullying is only effective if the attacks on the child/teen have the effect of making them feel isolated, worthless, and without an ally.  The problem here is much deeper than just a school yard bully and it extends beyond homosexuality.

Andrew Hackman wrote in his blog: "Your attitudes will be reflected and amplified in your children."

What does the child do when his peers attitudes are reflected in the attitudes of his own parents, religion, religious leaders, and community.  This has been my point in the Facebook debates.  In Utah the LDS culture dominates on matters of public policy.  I have seen the most hateful and insensitive remarks come from purported temple recommend holding members regarding the "sinner" they see in a homosexual who lives his or her life in a full and meaning way including intimate same gender relationships.  They quote scripture, their "prophets", and make arguments that are writhe with logical fallacies all in an attempt to be in lock step with their doctrine.

Again I point to a brilliantly written piece by Andrew Hackman:

  Objecting to homosexuality, I believe, cannot be a universal moral. It is a religious conviction. I think for something to be considered a universal moral, and not merely a religious position, it has to be amenable to all faiths... and those without a faith. The bible says murder is wrong (although it acts it out more as a guideline than a rule) but I could also make a non-religious arguement as to why it is good for humanity to follow that position. On the contrary, I have yet to hear a valid argument against homosexuality that did not come back to a religious point and/or that individual's personal "ick" factor with homosexuality. 

I concur with Andrews stance on this matter but take it a step further in that I have to question why you would hold the texts of any religion and the texts specifically of Christianity and Mormonism (they are the texts that I have some experience with)  as a supreme word given their flaws.  Many religious scholars will tell you that the texts are not historical and the events and people are not actual but allegorical.  So based upon a myth we will throw away or relationships with actual people for salvation that is not likely real now matter how nice it sounds.  

I have seen first hand the mistreatment of a child who diverges from their parents religious world view.  Whether it is a homosexual teen who comes out of the closet or a heterosexual teen or young adult who engages in the very natural act of premarital sex.  The child who chooses not to go on a mission or the child who has the audacity to leave the family's church.  The messages delivered to that young and inexperienced human is : If you continue on this course your are going to hell.  You are no longer worthy of your heavenly father's protection or mine.

The bullying is not just from their peers but from their religious leaders and sadly form their family members.  I have seen this first hand because it has happened to me and to my spouse.  It is a guilt that takes years to repair and for some the on relief from it comes in the form of drug abuse or from the last desperate act of suicide.

I cannot figure out why we choose to chase a myth developed from contrived man made religious dogma while we throw away the amazing relationships with our children/youth and adult citizens who exercise their freedom and engage in age appropriate consensual  relationships that are natural and normal.

I think the question here is does your loved one have a place to go for comfort and are you providing it or are you pushing them to their last desperate solution through your piety and inflexible adherence to doctrine?