Thursday, July 30, 2009

Out of the closet

In my first post I indicated that I posted my religious beliefs as agnostic on my Facebook page. I changed that about two months ago and last week I put my first link to my blog on my Facebook page. Most folks who know me know that I am not a religious man. Many also know that I have strong opinions and that I am not afraid to speak my mind. Most are still a little uncomfortable with the idea that I am an atheist.

This is not new information for this blog but I did find my oldest daughter Jessica's response kind of interesting. She said something like 'why do you have cause trouble.' Jessica has some difficulty with the fact that we do not fit into the traditional LDS (Mormon) mold in our little LDS neighborhood. During the recent production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat the cast (most) met to have a pre-show prayer. Jessica, was asked to join and she opted out. For her there was and admitted awkwardness. She feels like we don't fit in and that further exasperated by the conversations about the LDS faith, garments and when it is appropriate to not wear them, issues of morality that she does not agree with, and the idea that she wants to fit in but doesn't.

So this simple display of my atheism was troubling to my daughter because she is struggling with much doubt and still exploring what the world holds for her. She also finds that she runs up against folks who profess to "know" and she does not find any solace in their "knowing" because it does not ring true for her. Having a father who is an open atheist is like having parents who are hippies in a yuppie neighborhood. I think she finds the prospect of people knowing a little uncomfortable because she is already on the outside looking in.

My proclamation of atheism is not about knowledge but about doubt. What I do know is that religion has not given me any comfort. There are too many unanswered questions and too many folks who with arrogance fail to answer the questions but tell me I need to have faith.

5 comments:

  1. Kevin... I actually wrote a blog about that pre-show prayer, but deleted it because I couldn't get it to gel or come to any conclusion. My thoughts were scattered... still are, but since you are adressing it, allow me to pull up a keyboard.

    I knew a bunch of folks prayed before Peter Pan, but I seemed to have missed it but I did think about it. When I was asked to pray before Joe, I was really torn. My wife listened to me waffle on this for about half an hour.

    On the one hand, I know some folks from my faith community are just... nasty... to Mormons. They make wisecracks, roll their eyes, mock, use the word cult... list goes on. I determined when I came out here that I was going to view them as family in Christ and my family in humanity. So from that angle,if someone wants to pray with me then I am glad of that and take the opportunity. Plus, I like the opportunity to demonstrate that not all followers of Christ act like asses.

    However, I did notice that night that some folks left the room. There was seperation and exclusion. Us and them. No one meant it... but there it was, just the same. I found myself wishing we wouldn't pray.... I am a Christian hoping NOT to pray... statements like that are why I am getting a bad reputation amongst some of my fellow believers. :)

    I am trying to learn to navigate a life of graciousness and kindness; it pains me to think I contributed to any seprateness Jessica feels. (I keep erasing sentence after sentence here cause I can't get anything to sound right...)

    There is this song I heard a long time ago. The artist (who perchance I was able to see while back in Michigan) sings toward the end of the song:

    "My longing
    not to be a god nor hero
    but to change
    into a tree that grow for ages
    hurting no one..."

    That sums up all the sentences I erased....

    I know Jessica has a good head on her shoulders and am confident that she will always land on her feet. But we all know those times of being the outsider & it can get old real fast.

    You seem to have a good flow of communication with her in all of this.... way to be a great Dad!

    Oy... my thoughts are still all over the place on this, but thanks for sharing this. Hopefully there is some coherence to what I am writing.

    And just to clarify... I respect your atheism and am challenged and encouraged by what you write, say, and do - all the time.

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  2. Kevin, I am a practicing member of the LDS faith and have been for life, although I did not grow up in Utah. However, I have little tolerance for those who profess to be LDS or any other Christian faith (or any belief or non-belief) that have no tolerance for those who don't share their same beliefs.

    Having said that, I also produce a lot of shows at a local theater. We don't have a strict policy of prayer or non-prayer before a show, but if we as a production staff decide that we would like to offer the opportunity to the cast to pray before a show, we announce well in advance of opening night that this is our desire and give opportunity for anyone who would like to touch base with me privately if they are not comfortable doing so. If that happens, then we do not have a prayer, I share the source or content of the private conversation with nobody, and we have a moment of silence together before each show instead of a prayer.

    I have had Mormons, Catholics, Lutherans, etc. offer prayers before shows. My question to you is, if you were in such a cast, would you feel uncomfortable having to talk to me personally about not praying before a show? Short of completely banning group prayer before a show (which is an option), is there a better way to approach it in your opinion?

    Your views are valuable to me. Not only your views as an athiest but as a fellow human brother who shares this lifetime ride through space on this small, yet significant planet. I do not embrace your beliefs, nor do I expect you to embrace mine, but as we understand each other more we can not only live at peace with each other and with our own convictions, but strengthen and enlighten each other through our differences.

    Vic

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  3. Andrew, I have to say that you are a great example. I hope, at the end of the day, to be as gracious as you are. However, in my exploration of my thoughts I am bound to offend someone. It is funny how just asking questions tends to rock the boat.

    Vic, I view any religious ritual as deeply personal. I am of the opinion that they should occur in private, or with likeminded folks only. I do not think it is appropriate in a mixed company situation. Now I have to state out loud that this is not the stance my production company takes. We do not hold a company prayer before the show but do allow the cast to pray on their own. As a production company we keep it at arm’s length.

    In a theatre setting, I believe that any display that leaves someone sitting outside is inappropriate. That would include inappropriate sexual, religious, political discussions. It is just not the place for it. I would feel uncomfortable having to defend my desire to not attend and my example of Jessica's experience illustrates why it is not appropriate.

    It would be my preference that this ritual be conducted at home prior to the show. I also like the idea of substituting a moment of silence and solidarity before a show in place of a prayer.

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  4. Well said Kevin! For me, I had a gut feeling about this issue that I could not define... you articulated it perfectly.

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  5. I'm so late in commenting. But I have really enjoyed reading your blog today, and Andy's as well. I think you both write really well and I like the way that you both share your points of view. I wasn't even aware of the group prayer before Joseph, but I really like your idea of a moment of silence and solidarity before a show and that way everyone can use it as they choose. :)
    Thanks for making me think!

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