Children are the Challenge-The Argument

My last post addressed how I have chose not to give religion to my children and how that affected my daughter Jessica. I have thought the post may leave the reader with the impression that I am a typical religion hating atheist. While that may be true to some degree it is a judgment made without context.

I grew up in American Fork, Utah. My mother moved to the community when I was about 5 years old. She had recently divorced my father. When I was 7 we moved into our family home after my parents reconciled and remarried. I remember the first contact my parents had with the local LDS bishop. We had been moving in all day. The LDS bishop came to the door to welcome my parents to the ward. My father greeted him at the door with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The bishop’s response was “Well I guess we won’t be seeing you in church!”

My parents made the attempt to become active in the LDS church. This was a religion handed down to them from their parents and grandparents. They didn’t have any real understanding of the church or its teaching and I dare say none of them have read the Book of Mormon. I was the beneficiary of the passing of generational superstition. My folks believed that sending me to church would give me a good moral foundation.

I took to my calling as a little boy. I faithfully attended church services every Sunday and the meetings for Boy Scouts and Mutual. I was so dedicated that I often got my siblings up on Sunday morning, (while my parents slept) had them get dressed and took them church with me. Mind you I was about 8 or 9 taking my 6 year old and 7 year old sisters. I probably new very little about making sure their hair was combed and their clothes matched.

At 8 years old I was eligible to be baptized and become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. At eight, I knew I had doubts that I could live up the expectations. The doctrine indicated that I would be baptized and my sins would be washed away and I would have a new start. I am not sure what sins I had committed up to that point or that I needed to be free of them. I found it odd that I was going to have them washed away at my one and only chance at salvation at age eight. I thought it might be better to wait until I had committed a really big sin first so that I could get more bang for my buck out of this washed away sin salvation thing.

Despite sending me away to church to get my moral foundation my parents were still active in my upbringing. Alas that is what ultimately spared me a lot of pain as I moved into early adolescence. My bishop called me in for an interview to determine my moral ability to receive the Aaronic Priesthood. He asked me about my testimony and my church attendance and then the interview digressed into my sexual habits. He wanted to know if I was sexually active with the same sex, the opposite sex and if I masturbated. I was 12. I denied all of the above because I had no idea what any of it really meant. I was a late bloomer and still prepubescent. I later told my mother about the interview and she was outraged. It was discovered that he had also asked the same questions of my 10 year old sister. My Father and Mother both met with the Bishop and told him the line of questions was inappropriate and they forbade him to ask them of any of their children. That man was arrested and convicted of Sexual Abuse of a Child several years later. When I was 20 I found out that he had told several of the boys in the ward to stay away from me because I was a homosexual. The boy who told me about it was this man’s victim. He wanted to isolate me from the group and the only reason I was not his victim was because my parents were active in my upbringing.

My father has advised me often that I should send my children to church. His rationale is, “What can it hurt at least they get a good moral foundation.” I have said before that there is a ton of emotional baggage that comes from religion. Guilt, irresolvable double binds, hate, intolerance, and self loathing are but a few. We worry more about what our children see on TV and who their friends are than who we let play with their minds in a religious context. We have no proof that there is salvation on the other side but we are willing to damage our children in the hope there is. I have seen religious people allow horrible things happen to their children at the hands of a religious leader because they believe he is called of god. These things range from emotional abuse to physical and sexual abuse.

Religion was not the basis of my moral conscience it was my parents’ involvement in my life, my own personality traits, and an innate sense of guilt and responsibility that provided me with character to be a moral person. There has been as much evil done in the name of god and religion as good and I do not think that with the mixed results that religion has delivered it is the appropriate mentor for my children.