Her Fight is Over

Brenda Lynn (Young) Dudley

July 18, 1945-July 15, 2011

Taken 07/14/2011

My mother died last night from a long illness that included emphysema (COPD) and Post Polio Syndrome.  She had been on hospice for 4 months and had made the decision that reality of death was preferable to continued hospitalization.  This was was not a decision that we were initially very excited about.  However she lived alone, was in pain everyday and fought for every breath.  This was her decision, as difficult as it was to face,  we respected it.

My Mother contracted polio when she was a little girl.  She was initially left without the ability to walk.  While she regained her ability to walk, she was left with one leg that grew shorter than the other.  This and her post polio syndrome contributed to her degenerative disk disorder and the resulting pain.  She became ill during the United States' polio epidemic of the late 40's and early 50's.  Her illness occurred before the vaccine was available.  She was always a vaccine supporter because she experienced, first hand, the devastating results of a now preventable illness.

With her declining health and increasingly frail condition came increased demands on my siblings and me.  I am personally grateful for the opportunity to serve her for those months.  I spent time with her that was invaluable.  Sometimes my other responsibilities kept me away for a couple of days and It was so nice to visit her and hear her say, "I have missed you so much!"  When I would arrive in the evenings to help her settle in for the night; I would ask her if she had taken her evening medication.  She would frequently tell me, "No, I waited to take them because they make me so tired.  I wanted to be able to visit with you."  On Monday, I was sitting with her, reading on my iPhone not saying a word.  She was drifting in and out of sleep and I asked her if she wanted me to give her her pills and let her sleep.  She said, "I'm not sleeping I am listening to you read."  When I would finally put her breathing mask on her she would tell me, "Looks like the party is over."

Her time on hospice was a trial for us all.  I walked in to find her unconscious and on the floor.  I found her passed out while sitting in the bathroom.  She was found a couple of times in the last few weeks without her O2 on.  These times were equally as painful as her death.  I have cried for what I was loosing and for what I already had lost.  Those tears have been shed over several months.  I learned that there is an indescribable beauty in putting someone other than yourself first.  I found comfort in giving comfort, cooking, listening and loving her for who she was.  I experienced some of the sweetest moments of my life by being patient and just sitting by her bedside.  She engaged her last months with humor and wit.

I know that my mother was proud of me and loved me.  She told the entire world and never forgot to tell me.  She would fight to attend the plays I did and my recent graduation form SLCC even though it meant she was in excruciating pain.   She loved my children and always spoke highly of them.  She also loved my beautiful wife Lisa and frequently told me she thought she was the sweetest woman.

Her fight is now over.  It went quickly.  I had a brief conversation with her yesterday morning over the phone.  The same afternoon she was struggling to breathe and by 7:40 pm it was over.  I miss her already.