Noise!

Is it me?  I have noticed that almost everybody on Facebook is talking but no one is listening.  Few people even take time to acknowledge that anyone else has something to say.  Everybody is talking over each other! I noticed this phenomenon over the last couple of weeks and it has been frustrating.  I follow a few bloggers and really prefer to read their posts on my Google reader.  The comments, in their comment sections, in many cases, result in real conversations (in print anyway).

I realize that Facebook is not the place to maintain real relationships.  It is however a way to meet and reconnect.  In some cases the interactions on either Facebook or in the Blogosphere can result in real human interactions.  For example, this summer I went to dinner with Kiley from We Were Going to be Queens.  I am good friends with Andrew from Hackman's Musings.  One I knew before I was Facebook and blogging friends the other I recently met.  When both a Facebook and real life relationship exists the interaction and empathy is richer.  That does't mean that all Facebook interactions are superficial.  I have several Facebook friends I have good interactions with whom I have never met.

I guess with my current school load I am feeling a bit disconnected from the daily interactions I had grown accustomed to with my peers.  I am feeling a little more isolated and my hourly Facebook fix is not filling the void  (like duh?).

What We Do Not Teach

I have not posted in over a month.  I know that is no way to keep a readership nor is it keeping the goals that I set at the beginning of the the year.  I know that you are wondering 'what happened to curmudgeon?'  Okay I know that I am not really weighing on your minds but I like to have my own fantasies.

In January I made a radical change in my life.  I ended my 25 year career with the State of Utah.  I retired 5 years prior.  I was double dipping in a job that really met none of my needs much less contributed to happiness.  After my friends Matt's suicide and some other financial trials I reevaluated my priorities and decided it was time to make a radical change and to live out my remaining 30+ years pursuing life instead of money.  I reentered Salt Lake Community College taking 17 credit hours to complete my Associates Degree in General Studies.  I will graduate in May.  I will return to the University of Utah mid May to work on my bachelors degree in Theatre Performing Arts Design.  Once completed I will follow that up with masters in education.  I can complete half of the M.Ed. while an undergrad.

So the title of this post is "The Things We Do Not Teach."  At the community college I have taken two courses this semester that have been wrapped into the conservative fabric of this state.  The first is Human Biology.  In Human Biology we discussed, as we should, evolution.  I was a bit disturbed by the fact that when it came to discussing Macro Evolution the instructor stated we would be skirting the topic so that those who believed in a higher power would not have that belief challenged.  There is one person in the class who noted the text book is not as sensitive and directly discusses macro evolution.  This is a guy who has made jokes about democrats being parasites in the class when we discussed the immune response system.  He also accepts state offered and paid for assistance in the form of a note taker as provided by IDEA.  A Democrat supplied program. I found it frustrating that we are in a class full of adults and we have to skirt the topic of evolution because, although there is plenty of evidence supporting evolution, it might offend someone's fantasy about a god created earth.  In fact there is more evidence for evolution than there is for a god.  We are adults.  Provide the evidence and the data in an objective matter and let us make the conclusions from that.  If you want to entertain the idea of a god at a collegiate level take philosophy .

The second topic that bothered me was in my Human Sexuality Course.  When we talked about sexual satisfaction and guilt we were told we could not discuss religion in that context.  Now I agree that we should not bash religion in the context because there is some evidence religion contributes to delay of risky sexual habits in teens.  There is also the evidence that practices like teen sex and masturbation are normal natural processes in sexual development and the religious programing can be harmful in the healthy development of adult sexual experiences.  Religion in this case became the 1,000 pound gorilla in the room.  Again, we are adults.  We can handle the truth in an evidence and socially responsible conversation regarding the entire spectrum of the topic of sex and human sexuality.

I have to say as a whole these courses have been exceptional.  I have enjoyed the instructors and their approaches to the topics.  I just think in a higher education institution the truth should be discussed as supported by evidence in classes that demand it.

Gay Rights

The righteouslature is in session right now and I keep hearing how allowing Gay couples the same rights as heterosexual married folks is a "slippery slope" to destroying the traditional family and traditional family values. Every time I hear that statement the flashing word "bigot" comes to mind.



As it says in my profile, I am married, I have five children and with the risk of sounding like Larry Craig, R, Idaho...I am not gay, I have never been gay. I have however, at one point in my life, been a bigot.



I moved away from home when I was 18. I lived in an apartment with my best friend Austin and my not so best friends Clint and Phillip. We had a typical bachelor pad. Clint found himself in love and need to quickly get married in the Temple before his unprincipled male urges made him temporarily ineligible to marry in that building.



At 18, I looked 16. I was working on the show "Barnum" at Pioneer Theatre Company" at the University of Utah. The lead male, Jess Richards, was 42 years old. He started to pay some attention to me and eventually made a physical pass at me in his dressing room. As an 18 year old boy who grew up in a very sheltered small town, this was a shock. I had always been obsessed with girls. However, I thought that I was oozing a gayness from my pores and that there must be something wrong with me. Why else would this guy have got the impression that I was gay.


I spent the next week fairly withdrawn trying to figure out if there was something wrong with me. I didn't discuss the incident with anyone and Jess figured out that he had crossed the line and apologized to me. My "manhood" was reaffirmed when I saw an attractive woman at the swimming pool in a bikini and I knew that was what I liked.


We needed a roommate to cover Clint's portion of the rent. I had met this kid Joey at the theatre. He was from Price (if I remember correctly). A town smaller than the one I grew up in. He was looking for a place to live. I asked him point blank if he was gay. He claimed he was not. He lied. He had all of the stereotypical attributes that pop culture would assign a gay male but I initially took him at his word. He changed major from theatre to nursing and then told me he wanted to work with AIDS patients. He eventually started hanging out with a kid from the U who turned out to be the president of the Gay Lesbian bisexual Transgender Student Union. Joey and his friend were by all accounts nice guys. They were much nicer than Phillip. Now Just in case you think this is going to be one of those "It's a Wonderful Life" endings you are sadly, as am I, mistaken. I invited Joey to move out. I was much more comfortable with a womanizer alcoholic (Phillip) than I was living with a gay male.


I grew up in a small town were being gay meant you could at minimum ostracised and could very likely get your ass kicked. My dad was former Military and grew up in a smaller town than he was raising us in. He had no tolerance for homosexuals and would not be opposed to using derogatory language to describe them. One of the worst insults and one the meanest things ever said to me by my mother was insinuating that because I was into theatre that I was a "queer".

During the school year I had more opportunities to date men than I did women. I was asked out several times by dancer's, actors, crew members. I went out once with the president of the local chamber of commerce's....daughter. My prejudices against homosexuality had started to harden and become part of who I am.

The summer of '84 I went to Park City, UT to work as the Production Stage Manager of the Park City Shakespeare Festival. While there I met Anne. Anne was a good listener with an incredibly engaging smile and a devilish twinkle in her eyes. Anne and I became friends. Although she was never a romantic interest we would be seen holding hands, walking arm in arm, and in other situations that led others to believe we were "together". I started to share with Anne a level of honesty I had yet to share with anyone (except my former girlfriend and current wife.). One evening Anne and I were in the hallway of the condo complex I was staying in. If I remember correctly my head was in her lap and we were having a quiet conversation about life. During the course of discussion I blurted an insensitive and homophobic remark out. At that moment I felt Anne tense up, she stared into my eyes and said matter-of-fact-ly, "Kevin, I am gay".

It was at this moment that my views changed dramatically, I pulled my foot out of my mouth and with tears in my eyes apologized. I love Anne, as a friend, a confidant, as a fellow human being and wanted to do nothing to hurt her. For me, Anne took the us and them factor out of homosexuality. She was what we should all know about all people we encounter, a person with feelings, passions, desires and with a huge capacity to love.

With the exception of my love Lisa, no one else has had a bigger impact I the way I view the world than Anne. I returned to the U with new acceptance for the people I worked with. I no longer found it threatening to be in the company of gay actors who openly would tell me they thought I was cute. I have never met a gay person who knowing that I was straight tried to recruit me. I knew what my gender preferences were because they had been assigned to me at conception as I believe theirs were.

Now we have seen 3 "Common Ground" bills defeated by the legislature because they extend some protections to homosexuals including the right to visit their loved on in the hospital, the right to inherit property, and the right to be free from discrimination in the work place. These are some things that were promised when we had amendment three rammed down our throats by a pious legislature and a bigoted electorate. The buzz word is "slippery slope." If we allow them protection from discrimination we may have to allow them to marry and god forbid have the same opportunity for happiness the rest of us get. We may have to acknowledge they are "fellow passengers to the grave".

I think the most reprehensible things said have been said by State Senator Chris Butters. Unfortunately this bigot represents my district. In a recent Salt Lake Tribune Article he said the gay-rights movement "probably the greatest threat to America," likened gay activists to Muslim radicals and called same-sex relationships "abominations." Unfortunately he is the only politician who says what he believes. Many of our elected officials believe the same thing privately and vote publicly with those prejudices.

In my home it is not that way, we accept everyone. I don't have gay friends and straight friends...I have friends. My children are the next generation and my adult children support rights for all. My younger children are being raised to support the rights for all as well. I hope they follow the lead of their siblings. Maybe between now and the next generation we can turn the tide and vote the way of equality for everyone.

Thank you Anne...I think that everyone should have an Anne in their lives....and Joey...I am sorry.