Colonoscopy: Not as bad as you are led to believe

Lisa and I both had our colonoscopies this week.  There is much information on the inter-webs about what you can expect, how horrible the experience is, the worst case scenarios, and as with anything health related or consumer related you look you find on the internet you should know... the whiners and complainers will be the first to review a procedure or product... negatively.

Here are my tips for getting a colonoscopy:

1. GET ONE!!!! ...if you are 50 or over and/or if you have a family history of polyps or cancer.  It is the best way to detect colon cancer early and to prevent polyps from growing into cancerous tumors.  
2. Have a physical and know your medical issues before scheduling your procedure. This will help you avoid the pitfalls of #3.
3. Don't read the crap on the internet.  It will lead you to believe you already have the cancer, are going to have an allergic reaction to the medication or you are already in renal failure.
4. Eat a low fiber diet and avoid nuts and popcorn for two days (at least) before you start the colon prep.  Think, as you consider what to eat, "How will this feel coming out... UNDER PRESSURE!"
5. Use Vaseline on your anus.  This will help keep your but from cracking and bleeding and burning.
6. The colon prep is not that bad.  The lavage you ingest is not "Nasty".  Its not pleasant or delicious but its not nasty.  You won't feel like you have the flu.  It will literally flush you bowels out.  It is inconvenient but not horrible.  In fact, neither of us found it was that big of a deal.  
7. Plan to spend time in the bathroom.  Take your iPad, a book, or your phone with you.  Have plans to feed your spouse, kids, and pets during the two evenings before your procedure.
8. Drink plenty of fluids before you start.  Dehydration is the worst... and it wasn't a problem for us.
9. They day of your procedure you should plan to have nothing planned.  It will take you a couple of hours at the hospital to be prepped, have the procedure done (you probably won't remember it) and to recover from the sedation.  
10. Celebrate with a delicious but reasonable meal the evening of.  You won't really want anything too rich but you will want something tasty.  For me it was the most exquisite peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Followed by Pizza... Okay the pizza wasn't the best idea.  I realized this at 3:00 in the morning... heart burn!

It really wasn't that bad.  I will do it again in 10 years.  My colon was healthy.  No polyps. No disease. No CANCER!  However, had it not been.  I would have wanted to know.  That is how I am staying on this path to live past 90!

Dear Neglected Readers: Its time for an update!

I am now in my second year of graduate school.  Christmas has wound down and now I am in that odd time in-between semesters.  You know, that time when you should be doing something that will make the next semester easier and recognizing that you just don't have the energy yet to face it.  I am Halfway though my program and now am applying for jobs is on the immediate horizon.

This is our second year in Iowa.  It has been nice to finally feel like we are home in Iowa.  Although we left so many humans in Utah who we are fond of and miss terribly, we don't miss passive-aggressive and smug Utah culture.  We have really enjoyed being allowed to be adults.  Iowa normalizes adulthood.  You can buy your hard liquor in bulk at the Costco if you choose.  Wine is sold on the aisle ends by the checkouts at Hy-vee. Almost everybody drinks coffee.  You can find a wide variety of personal lubricants on the shelf at Wal-Mart.

I have found that being away from Utah and specifically Mormonism, has resulted in fewer conversations about the religion and its negative impact our our family. I have less of need to be surrounded by "like minded people" to insulate me, intellectually and emotionally, from Mormonism.  I have unplugged from all but two ex-mormon groups on Facebook.  I still visit the A Post Mormon Atheist/Agnostic group and a group that discusses the issues of sex and sexuality in a Post Mormon Context.  I have still been know to challenge assertions made by the faithful and occasionally in a dick-ish way.  One observation I made over the last year: It doesn't really matter if you are nice or a dick when you challenge the delusional beliefs of others, the net result will be the same.  You will be unfriended, ignored, and pitied by them.  I have not put up a post related to Mormonism specifically for a little over two months now.

With John Larsen's exit from the Mormon Expression podcast, I decided it was also time to stop listening to the ex-mormon related podcasts and deleted and unsubscribed from all.  I have hid most TBM's from my newsfeed.  While I am interested in them as people, I can't really stomach the delusion that one must engage in to believe any of it is real.  It doesn't mean religion is safe from my criticism.

So what is important to me?

I still rant about alternative medicine and pseudoscience.  I openly and unapologetically challenge vaccine deniers and woo pitchers.  I will continue to do that because I think it is more important than religion.  The harm is immediate.

Michael will graduate from West High School in in Iowa City this year.  Kiera is a freshman at the same school.  They both seem to be doing well.  They are great kids and we are proud of them.

I turn 50 this year.  With that milestone, I recognize that I am on the downhill side of mortality.  I might make it to a 100 (if I stay off Facebook and manage my stress) but it is unlikely.  So it is my desire to seize the moment... each and every precious moment.  I am no longer 10' tall and bullet proof.  I have had friends and colleagues see their time cut short by genetics or poor lifestyle choices. I can control one of those factors.  I need to control what I can because both of my parents were dead by 70.  I have lost 22 lbs. since August.  I would like to loose 10 more.  I need to find a away to continue to exercise through the cold Iowa winter.  Although through discipline I have avoided the holiday weight gain.  Lisa is on a similar path.  We want to hold off the health effects that come from poor lifestyle choices.


The plan for 2015:

• Colonoscopy scheduled for the first week in January.
• Physical scheduled for March
• Drink less alcohol:  Make it a social event or an occasion.  Avoid daily consumption.
• Monitor blood pressure and cholesterol:  Eat less meat and salt and more veggies.  This has resulted in appreciable weight loss.
• Manage stress:  If you know me at all this is my achilles heel.  I am an obsessive thinker and a worrier.  I have tried deep breathing and relaxation but the narrative in my head always seems to dominate. 
• Have plenty of sex!

So there it is.  I may find the inclination to write a little more as the ever evolving me finds something else to say.  We'll see where this year takes me.  I do know that I have grown quite a bit in this experience.  We are looking around and trying to determine where the next move will take us.  What we know is that we are only in Iowa for another 16 or so months.  That time will go quickly

Update

I have been away for awhile.  My friend Jeff pointed out that I have not posted since early November.  My brother Shaun told me he is waiting for my next post.  Well, I finished working on Pioneer Theatre's the Tempest; caught my homework up; worked Pioneer Theatre's Annie; finished two monster projects; got through finals week; and started designs for Le Belles-Soeurs.  I finished a 17 hour semester with a 3.94.

I am working on a post that discusses religion and how it is detrimental to education.  I have some nuggets from the LDS General Authorities about how public education is dangerous to belief.  I have not completely realized the concept in my head and so it will be a day or so before I post.  If you have any quotes, from any religious source, that disparage secular education feel free to point me in that direction.

In have been active on Facebook however.  I engaged in debates as to the origin of masturbatory prohibitions in LDS Doctrine (there aren't any). I debated whether the LDS instruction manual discourages vasectomy or does it really prohibit it?  More important does put the weight of the decision on untrained clergy[(Bishops) it does].  I was defended for calling a woman out on the war on Christmas crap that comes from Fox News.  I added 7 Facebook Friends and lost 5... so I am up 2.  I guess you can find the drama I engaged in on my Facebook page.

Noise!

Is it me?  I have noticed that almost everybody on Facebook is talking but no one is listening.  Few people even take time to acknowledge that anyone else has something to say.  Everybody is talking over each other! I noticed this phenomenon over the last couple of weeks and it has been frustrating.  I follow a few bloggers and really prefer to read their posts on my Google reader.  The comments, in their comment sections, in many cases, result in real conversations (in print anyway).

I realize that Facebook is not the place to maintain real relationships.  It is however a way to meet and reconnect.  In some cases the interactions on either Facebook or in the Blogosphere can result in real human interactions.  For example, this summer I went to dinner with Kiley from We Were Going to be Queens.  I am good friends with Andrew from Hackman's Musings.  One I knew before I was Facebook and blogging friends the other I recently met.  When both a Facebook and real life relationship exists the interaction and empathy is richer.  That does't mean that all Facebook interactions are superficial.  I have several Facebook friends I have good interactions with whom I have never met.

I guess with my current school load I am feeling a bit disconnected from the daily interactions I had grown accustomed to with my peers.  I am feeling a little more isolated and my hourly Facebook fix is not filling the void  (like duh?).

Hard to Believe She's 21

Jessica as Helena

May, 10 1990, we were blessed... cursed?.... no blessed! with a baby girl.  She came about 6 o'clock in the morning and was one of Lisa's quickest deliveries.  We named her Jessica Anne because her dad loved that name for a girl.  We gave her that name despite my mother's objections.  Apparently my mother had worked with a disabled girl named Jessica who had less than desirable habits.  I knew the name Jessica from Shakespeare and loved assertive, smart and competent character in the Merchant of Venice.  Anne is Lisa's middle name.  It is also a family name and a salute to her grandmother Valerie Anne Green.  She is the only child that has been named after a family member.

Jessica's High School Graduation

Jessica's personality was evident from her earliest years.  She was strong willed; earning the nick name Kate.... another Shakespeare reference.  She was compassionate and very moral.  At three, we traveled to Boston for my sister's wedding.  We flew in June after her birthday.  We hadn't purchased a ticket for her because she could ride on our laps at the time.  However the airline had a policy that two year olds could ride on laps not three year olds.  We tried to convince Jessica that her birthday was in August in the event she was asked.  She was not willing to play at all, "No Daddy!  No Saugust... I'm May!"  When she was in second grade when she came home from school.  I asked her how her day was.  She immediately started crying.  I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I think I cheated.  I was taking a test today and I looked up and saw the answer on my friends paper."

Jessica as Kelsey in HSM

I have enjoyed being Jessica's dad because she let's me be a dad.  I enjoyed coaching her competition soccer teams.  I have enjoyed participating in theatre with her and directing her in a Midsummer Nights's Dream (not a coincidence it was a Shakespeare show).  Jessica is not only a beautiful girl in her appearance but a beauty in the deepest recesses of her being.  She has grown into the woman that I always hoped she would be.  She is now headed to college with a focus on attending Northwestern University in Chicago in a couple of years.

Happy birthday Jessica.

Your dad is proud of you and loves you!

Grace & College Graduation

Yesterday, May 5th, 2011, I had the pleasure of graduating from Salt Lake Community College with an Associate of Science degree.  It took me 14 years, but I did it.  However, as sweet as it was, there were two highlights to that experience that touched me.

The first: my mother was able to attend.  She is in the advanced stages of emphysema which has wrecked her body.  My wife, my sister, and I worked all week to make sure she would be in a condition good enough to attend.  My mother was determined, no matter how much pain she was in or how short of breath she was, to attend.  For my mother the three hours it took from the time she left her house until she saw me walk was excruciating but it wouldn't prevent her from seeing her son graduate.  Even as an adult, it is so nice to bask in the pride of an approving parent.

I do know that I could not have accomplished what did had I not had someone like my mother who believed in me or like my beautiful wife Lisa who not only believed in me but gave me all the support a spouse could possibly muster.   I had a cheering section in the audience in my sister Shelly, my father-in-law William Green, and my 5 children.  If felt so good to model what I had been preaching for the last 24 years.   

The second was probably the most surprising when you consider my former career.  I had a 10:00 am biology class.  The first day of class this short wiry 30 something man sat next to me.  He had a longer beard, smelled of cigarette smoke, and opened his thermos to pour his coffee.  My law enforcement instincts told me that he was 'from the other side of the tracks'.  It came up in conversation that I was a retired parole officer.  He immediately said, "Oh.  Do you know Scott Richards?"  I told him I did and that I had just left a job where Scott and I were on the same unit.  He then said, "He was my probation officer 12 years ago. If you talk to him tell him Jordan says hi."  I knew it!

If that is where the conversation ended the story would be relatively uninteresting but typical for law enforcement/felon interaction.  Jordan and I continued to talk through semester.  He decided he would walk for graduation.  At first, he didn't think it would be a big deal.  It is after all just an associates degree.  I had a similar opinion.  He though it would be beneficial for his kids to see what he had accomplished.  I could see his point.

Jordan's study habits were excellent.  He got one of the two 100% tests during the semester.  I had the other one.  He was a peer note taker and took notes for the guy I mentioned in my article What We Do Not Teach.  He also volunteered at the Decker Lake Facility for juveniles as a mentor.  During the semester I started to really like Jordan.  I liked his focus and his humility.  He gave back to the community and had a drive for excellence.  When he picked up his cap and gown they gave him his honor cords for his 3.8+ GPA.

I looked for Jordan while we were lining up for graduation.  He also looked for me.  He was the only person  I knew out of the 1,000 or so graduates.  We stood in line and discussed what was next.  I was off to the University of Utah for the summer semester.  Jordan would start at the U in the fall.  My major: fine arts.  Jordan's major: forensic anthropology.  We celebrated our mutual "A's" in biology.  I was impressed by Jordan.  I was proud of what he accomplished and was humbled to graduate with him as his peer.  Jordan represented, I think, the concept of grace.

You Know Were You Can Put Your Passive-aggressive Flag!!!

I am sure it is well known to the readers of the blog how I think of fundamentalist thinking.  Today is no exception.  The strangest thing happened today.  We live in an upscale neighborhood by the Oquirrh Mountain Temple in Daybreak, South Jordan, UT.  We moved into this home about 8 months ago.  The house has a flag pole.  It had a flag on it with tattered edges.  We replaced that flag with our own.  The flag has not weathered the winter sun well.  It became tattered and faded and bound itself around the flag pole.

I was sitting in my office proofing a paper that my lovely wife had written.  I saw a shadow flash across the blinds of the window that faces the porch.  There was a thump like a package had been delivered at the front door but no knock at the door and no door bell.  I have been waiting for a text book that was supposed to be delivered today and I assumed that was it.  I did not immediately get up and go to the door instead I continued to proof the paper.  Several minutes later I got up and went to the door.  There was a package on the door step.  I was a distinctive red white and blue box.  I opened it and found our tattered flag inside with an advertisement to have the flag repaired and the care and proper handling instructions for the American flag.    There was a new flag on the pole.

Oh how nice right?  Wrong!  Passive-aggressive self-righteous behavior is never nice.  I am aware that some people wear their patriotism on their sleeve and know in their heart that this is the greatest country in the world!  I know to them our tattered flag is an insult to their patriotism.  Such an insult that they were spurred into action to replace our flag and to rub our noses in their patriotism.  This chicken shit act of anonymously replacing our flag, coming on to our property, and self-righteously depositing our tattered flag on the porch with "protocol" instructions doesn't make you a patriot it makes you an ugly-American.  

Ugly American is an epithet used to refer to perceptions of loud, arrogant, demeaning, thoughtless and ethnocentric behavior of American citizens mainly abroad, but also at home.

As we have walked in our front door over the last 6 weeks or so, we have been aware that the flag needed to come down.  We have had a couple of conversations about that.  However, with the demands of our family, my school load, and the extra care my ill mother has taken..... the condition of that flag has ranked last on my priorities.

You might be tempted to say that nice neighbor did you a favor. They didn't!  My wife has been humiliated by the thoughtless act.  She has told me that our next move will take us out of Daybreak and out of South Jordan.  She stated unequivocally that she hates living here.  She cried for the better part of an hour.  She already felt like a misfit because was we don't assimilate into the local culture.  This was the straw.

The American flag is not a sacred symbol to me and I refuse to bestow a piece of cloth with any amount of adoration.  I am not a chest thumping patriot.  I don't think that America is beyond reproach.  I think there are several other countries I could live in and thrive in.  I am as much as a citizen of the world and humanity as I am an American.  I won't ever say if you live in America you had better learn goddamn English.  I don't give members of the military extra respect because they served the "country".  I served the country for 25 years domestically as a police officer.  I have been shot at, physically assaulted and willing put myself in harms way to protect the very thing that was taken from my wife today.... the right to live peacefully the way she chooses.

I don't know who was responsible because they didn't have the personal integrity to knock on my door.  The net result of their action is that my wife feels more isolated than ever.  I personally resent their fundamental patriotism and would have no problem telling them that to their face!

Piety Creates a Marketplace of Ignorance

 The covered Cosmopolitan (left) is a common sight here in conservative Utah.  This was was photographed with my iPhone at our South Jordan Harmon's grocery store.  I really enjoy our Harmon's grocery (as much as you can a grocery store)  They have friendly employees and the store is clean.... for the most part.  They have a good selection of produce and meat in general.  I struggle to understand why a market that is open 7 days a week and only closes on Christmas is willing to pander to religious fundamentalism and to cave to the "morally" outraged prudes who push this type censorship and control.  The reality is that the magazine covers on Cosmopolitan and Fitness magazines as well as the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition do not show anything that you will not see if you go the pool, dancing at a night club or on the patrons shopping inside your Harmon's.  Yet we have the 'Coalition for Decency' determining at what lengths we have to go to see the bylines of those covers because they might be surrounding some cleavage.

So we cover this magazine because we are afraid someones's husband may think that Lea Michelle is the standard by which we judge what is sexy or because her cleavage might be titillating to little Johnny increasing the likelihood that he may explore his sexuality while he is alone.

Of Course there is the argument what is being shown is not real and it gives our daughters and women in the community a standard that is unattainable.  While I agree that may be the case are we doing anyone a service?  However we don't think much about breast augmentation which is as common in Utah as it is anywhere else in the country.  When you cover it up you also close off the opportunity for any type of healthy discussion. Discussions like 'your realize that the cover has in all likelihood been airbrushed and she doesn't look like that in real life?' 'Do your think that is a shirt or dress you could wear and feel comfortable in?' 'Do you think the views about sexuality that are discussed on the cover of that magazine are healthy representations of what sex is about?'

I am the father of 5 kids: three boys; 23, 19 ,13 and two girls 20, and 11.  The conversations that went on in my home over the weekend included questions about anatomy: 'What is a clitoris.... what is a douche for?';  A statement: 'Just because a girl likes anal sex doesn't mean she isn't a nice girl'; and concerns about pornography use by underage children.  As adults my wife and I could have brushed the topics under the rug or overreacted making discussion impossible or we could do what we did and address topics head on in a non-threatening educational way that quenches the curiosity and leaves the child feeling empowered to control their own sexual identity and destiny. The STD rates are increasing in Utah.  Teenage pregnancy is on the rise again. Sexual dysfunction inside of marriage is high.  It certainly is not because information and attitudes about sex are free flowing.  It is because we have restricted the information and attempt to create a taboo around sex and sexuality.

Blogging into the New Decade

Here we are at the close of 2010.  I have completed my second full year as a blogger.  Last year I noted my progress and reflected on the fruits of blogging.  This post is a continuation of that tradition.

I closed out last year with a total of 9 public followers.  I am now up to 30 public followers by the blogger counter and 8 through networked blogs.  Three of those are duplicates from the blogger counter.  So I now have a net of 35 public followers.  I have found my blog linked on other sites that are not in my public counter.

Last year I posted 27 times this year 45 (including this entry)  My topics of interest have been consistent: politics, religion and living in Utah.  I have had a couple of posts that have stimulated robust conversations.  I have seen many more of my posts linked in the Sunday in Outer Blogness feature at Main Street Plaza which I have found flattering.

My blog has received over 5000 page views and  140 comments.

My goals for blogging in the coming year are:

1. Post with more frequency
2. Post with relevance
3. Continue the "Children are the Challenge" series
4. Attempt to stimulate thoughtful discussion on posts I submit

While my blog does not have a universal appeal here in Utah or among many folks who hold very fundamental beliefs either politically or religiously; I hope to expand the reader base.  I prefer a diverse audience because it brings great discussion.  However, I will not likely tone down my rhetoric in that vein.  I am however willing to facilitate discussion and to have conversations regarding what I post in hopes that discussion brings understanding and in some cases may sway my opinion on the matter.

Here's to the adventures that 2011 will bring!

Thank You for 24 Beautiful Years

24 years ago I married my high school sweet heart.  We were expecting our first of five children.  We were young, naive, and thought we loved each other.  We have been through hardships and good times and experienced personal growth that has sometimes been painful.  There has always been one constant... we've had each other.

I look forward to each day that I spend with her.  While I don't believe there is only one love for each person and that we have an eternal commitment I find the commitment I have made to her to be very rewarding and one that I am satisfied with.  It is in part because of her that I am the man I am today and with her I will be an even better man tomorrow and next year.  Thank you Lisa for a lovely 24 years and it is with optimism that I look forward to 24 more.  As long as you'll have me I am yours!